On June 15, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Not the news anyone wants to get. When I sewed this pink and orange bag earlier in the year, I had no idea it would become my chemo bag or that I would even know what a chemo bag was.
Giving me the chemo drugs through a port they put in my chest can take up to four hours, prior to that I have to have a blood draw and a doctor's appointment. Pretty much the whole day is shot. Needless to say, I need a bag to carry supplies for the day. Books, magazines, puzzle books anything to fill the time and distract. Also, I usually bring water and food.
I call cancer my Frenenemy for a few reasons. The enemy part is probably obvious. No one wants to get cancer. In addition, three important people in my life have all died of cancer. My mom, my dad and my husband. So cancer and I know each other well.
Why is Cancer a friend? What is the potential good to come of this? I want you to know that my first reaction when I got the news was not asking what the potential good might be. It was a numbing surreal shock and then anger.
Because my life was going along at a pretty good clip before the diagnosis. I was happy and after losing my husband, I finally felt like I was in a good place and could live my life with purpose. Cancer felt like a detour or a distraction from plans. But you know what I say about plans. I make a plan and God makes a plan. Guess who is the head of the planning department?
So what potential good? I may not see that clearly until years from now. I know three things that have already helped me grow. The first is realizing that cancer is not a distraction. It is part of the journey for a reason. My life doesn't start once this cancer is gone. The second is that I am learning to ask for help. I am pretty independent and would rather be the person giving the help rather than asking for it. It is humbling and it warms my heart and amazes me who steps up and helps me with rides and being a second set of ears through some of the appointments. I am sure more will be revealed on this journey. Finally, medical people especially nurses are so amazing. I could never do all the technical precise stuff they have to do and do it with so much kindness. The cancer center I am going to is top notch. I walk in gratitude for that reason. Their compassion in a place where the potential for death and pain is so evident makes me cry.
Sharon, thanks for sharing. People tend to forget that authors are human, too, with all the frailties that go along with it. Keep up the good fight (and good writing). Richard Mabry
ReplyDeleteI’m sorry to hear about your struggle. I’m fighting hypothyroidism. Can’t get thin again. And I hurt alot. So taking one day at a time. cluedn@embarqmail.com
ReplyDeletestay strong
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Lean on God! My dad had Alzheimer’s and that changed everything! Especially when he couldn’t remember any of us. He was a brilliant man and the disease robbed him and us of his memories and knowledge.
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I've been praying for you. My cancer journey has also taught me to be less independent. And I've been completely blown away by the number of people (and who they are) who have shown up for me in this journey. ~ Melinda
ReplyDeleteMy prayers for you as you meet the challenges and take advantage of the opportunities in your cancer journey. My 44-year-old daughter is a metastatic breast cancer "thriver" and has been on the journey for 12 years. She has taught me so much about courage. (I had my own cancer episode three years ago, and am well.) My daughter has adopted the attitude of finding the purpose in her pain, and, among other things, ministers to others with breast cancer. I have written one full-length and two short novels about women going through breast cancer; she was my model and my expert resource. Again, prayers for your journey.
ReplyDeleteI really like your attitude! My beloved grandfather passed away from a fast growing brain tumor. I left my three children and husband and went to be with him for a couple of months. Every day, I would walk into his room and he would say, “Who are you?” I would tell him my name and our relationship and explain that I was there to help him eat and read to him. At the end of my stay, I was sobbing as I left my aunt’s house that morning because I knew I would have to tell Pa “goodbye.” I asked for strength and grace and went to the hospital as usual. As I walked in, Pa said, “I know who you are. You’re Vickie, my granddaughter, and you’re here to help me eat and read to me.” That was like a sign from Heaven that God was going to be with him in my place. Pa died less than two weeks later. I remember reading to him from the Bible and talking to him about Jesus. My aunt kept telling me that he couldn’t understand me. I told her that I was going to tell him about salvation anyway. When he died, I clearly saw a vision of Pa walking across a field of flowers, holding on to the hand of Jesus and I knew that he had understood me and that he’s with the Lord now.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful!
DeleteMy husband died four and a half years ago. Four months later my daughters in law was diagnosed with breast cancer. She chose to have both breasts removed. She was so brave as she went through all the after effects of the chemo. She was there for her children and my son in such amazing ways. She has been cancer free 4 years.
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are with you and for your healing Sharon!
I understand through walking with my mom through cancer why it is your frenemy. She says it is the hardest, yet the most glorious thing God has ever called her to experience. My mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer thirty-one years ago, and given one year to live....but God had other plans! She is now 82 years old and by God's grace has proven the doctors wrong over and over again. Mom's diagnosis has caused our whole family to pray more, trust more, enjoy each other more, and know that God is sovereign over all.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your journey, Sharon. Cancer is one of those terrifying scenarios that I wonder how I could possibly handle, but watching someone walk through it with courage and hope takes away much of the fear. God definitely has his good designs in all that he sends our way; I’m praying for continued strength and healing for you. ❤️
ReplyDeleteYou're in my prayers, Sharon. My neighbor had breast cancer fifty years ago when all they had to treat it with was cobalt radiation. She'll be 90 in November. So keep the good faith and keep on writing!
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