by Sharon Dunn
As the holidays approach, I am faced with a realization that the life I envisioned when I got married and had children is not going to happen. The holidays seem to amplify this reality. I thought I would be growing old with my husband and holidays would be filled with adult children and grandchildren celebrating with us. My husband died ten years ago and my kids are all struggling for various reasons much of it due to the fallout of losing their father at a young age. My relationship with one of my children is strained. None of them date. I doubt that I will have grandchildren. Widowhood is filled with a lot of loneliness and the holidays are the hardest because everyone is busy and involved with family. I'm not trying to be grim here, I'm trying to be honest. So often, it seems like when we are around other Christians, we feel like we have to tell only happy overcomer stories. Sometimes there is no triumphant story to tell, there is only a "getting by" story to tell. And that's okay.
Even with all that going on, I still believe that I need to walk in gratitude and live in hope. Here is where I am trying to put my focus. First, I need to live in light of eternity. Regardless of the circumstances of my life here on earth, I have a home in heaven where there will be no more tears and relationships will be healed. Second, every day, God gives me small gifts, a baby's smile, a friendly dog in the park, a meaningful conversation with a stranger or an opportunity to help someone, reminders that this world can still be a beautiful place. At the end of the day, I ask God to help me review what was good about that day and these things come to mind. Finally, it is not a good life where everything turns out right, that helps us grow closer to Jesus. There is opportunity here. We don't understand what Jesus went through in terms of suffering when everything is going smoothly and turns out okay. We identify with Jesus in our pain, our suffering, the betrayals and in being misunderstood because that's what he went through.
You may be going through things that make it hard to find joy this holiday season. Even with that, I would love to hear about the gifts that God gives you everyday, the small things that create gratitude for you in the midst of struggle. Let me know and leave your email. I'll randomly draw two peoples names to give away a copy of my book Thanksgiving Protector which is the first book in a three part series called Texas Ranger Holidays series from Love Inspired Suspense.
Oh, Sharon. I so identify with what you said. Sometimes I feel very alone. Life isn't what I thought it would be. But like you, I try to remember that heaven awaits me. As time goes by, more and more treasure is moved into the wonderful place that Jesus has prepared for me. I love your encouragement to remember all the blessings God has given you before you go to bed at night. God inhabits the praises of his people. What an incredible way to end each day. Your post has blessed me so much. May God bless you abundantly, even more than you can ask or think. Nancy Mehl
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you’re going through! I’m going though the same things. Hollidays are very hard because of the deaths in my famiy. When go somewhere around a crowd if people I feel like I’m intruding and I. The way.
ReplyDeleteI’m thankful everyday that God give me a daughter like the one I have. She’s a woman of God and loves her Lord!
duellonlysis at aol dot com
I understand. I lost my only child 5 1/2 years ago suddenly. It devastated me. I know God brought me through this period of time as only He could. I have one grandchild and he has been my blessing. ceedee1958@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteI am amazed at your resilience and ability to look for things to be grateful for. May you feel God’s comfort and strength this holiday season. Thank you for your honesty. watts.vickie@gmail.com
ReplyDeletefamily
ReplyDeletebn100candg at hotmail dot com
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ReplyDeleteI just forgot to add my email.
DeleteI have lived in a squalor infested house with termites for over 20 years with my husband and cats. The house is a tear down. Having cancer has drained us financially. I prayed everyday and out of nowhere, I got an offer from someone wanting to buy my land. I have finally bought a house and I will be getting a car. And for all this, I am beyond thankful. jozywails@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteI totally understand life is not how you planned. I lost my husband in 2012. He was a pastor and then served in leadership in our organization. I worked alongside of him, so I not only lost my husband, my best friend, but In the process my identity as a pastors wife. I miss the life we planned, growing old with him and enjoying our family.
ReplyDeleteI keep my eyes on Him and the blessing I do have. I have 4 sons who all follow God and lots of grands and even a few greats. God has been good to me and I’m so grateful for all his blessings.
Anonymous is Jane Squires jrs0350@yahoo.com. I don't use my Gmail
ReplyDeleteI just returned from visiting a friend in hospice...she told me her word for 2025 was Rejoice. And that she wanted licorice from me for Christmas. :-)
ReplyDeletethat's a beautiful story.
DeleteSharon, I understand what you’re saying. I lost my husband of 48 years unexpectedly while on vacation in Mexico just over 3 years ago. God showed up in so many ways during that initial shock. He placed people around me to watch out for my well being, sent a pastor friend of mine and my husbands to Mexico so I would have someone with me that I knew. God even got us safely through a hurricane before returning home. Holidays are definitely the hardest. Even with that being a thing, I find hope and joy in life. I have my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. I’ve been blessed to meet authors and other readers who are truly wonderful people. Nothing is the same as when my husband was alive but I believe that he would prefer to have me living life instead of living in despair. Blessings! terriandricky@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteyes I believe we have to find joy no matter what
DeleteI already have your book so not entering the giveaway. Thank you for sharing your story and offering encouragement to others who are suffering trials and other issues. We all need to be reminded to be grateful even in the hard times.
ReplyDeleteIf we dwell on the hard/bad times, we won't even bother getting out of bed in the morning. Although I've not bore the cross others have had to bear, I've had a few of my own to bear. I've lived long enough to bury my only child at the age of 17 with no warning it was coming. I kept a promise to my mom never to put her in a nursing home before we knew what Alzheimer does and how it took away a person before their body was through living. I was able to kept that promise for 5 years with just hubby and I taking care of her in our home 24/7 when everyone seemed to disappear into the woodwork when a little help would have been nice. We have seen both sets of our parents go on to their heavenly home. There's been work situations and lots of medical issue (including being told at 25 that I'd never see 30) with many requiring the13 surgeries I've had and now dealing with chronic pain. I only tell you thin to emphasis that I refuse to stay down. With God in front of me to see, behind me to hold me up and by my side to keep me on track, I'm extremely grateful for each and every day and the blessing I see each and every day.
ReplyDeleteTo me to see the sunshine in the morning is a blessing because once medication took my eyesight from me for a few months so to see is a God given blessing not to be taken for granted. Smelling the bread baking in the morning means we are blessed to have food to eat, the ability to fix it and means to cook it. Photography is a great love of mine because it woke me to the great beauty in nature both in landscapes and critters. Blessed to have retired to a place that we have many daily critter visitors which blesses me daily not only in seeing their antics, but it nudges me to keep learning - about their habits, what they eat, where they live. The ability and the means to learn, regardless of age, is a great blessing. I'm blessed by the loving touch of a man that loves me, stands beside me through thick and thin and realizes these blessing with me every day. For all these blessings and more too numerous to count, I am extremely grateful every day. My prayer is that through my blessings that I am able in some small way to share them and that joy with others opening others up to what true blessing really are.
2clowns at arkansas dot net
I'm taking care of my elderly parents right now. My mom is dealing with a broken wrist from a fall and my dad is dealing with a heart problem that needs surgery, but we're dealing with it.
ReplyDeletedianah7272 at gmail dot com
It is hard to find the blessings when you face so much hardship. My family is facing its fair share right now, but I am trying to seek the things that are blessings in my life. It can be something simple like a sunny day or a delicious treat. cherierj(at)yahoo(dot)com
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel I lost my husband 3 years ago so the holidays are hard. I am thankful for Jesus who is always there and got my family my sons and grandkids , and my wonderful church family . linda-henderson@ att.net
ReplyDeleteOh, Sharon! I am so very sorry for your loss and loneliness. I can't even imagine facing the death of my husband and the loss of relationships with my children. I do appreciate your honesty and transparency. Holidays can be difficult for so many reasons, but if this world wasn't so broken, we wouldn't need Jesus... the VERY REASON we celebrate! I am so glad that you can focus on gratitude to help you through this season and every day.
ReplyDeleteI started this with my 4 yr old daughter a few years ago to hopefully try to instill an attitude of gratitude in her heart. Every night, before she goes to sleep, we list things from that day that we are thankful for. Last year and this year, we put up a "Thanksgiving tree." It is a Christmas decorated with berries, pumpkin and leaves lights, and this year we bought wooden ornaments in the shapes of pumpkins, squirrels, acorns, and leaves. Every day, we choose an ornament and I write on the back of it what we're thankful for that day. It has been so good for both of us!
Heather Mitchell crhbmitchellfam@gmail.com
I’m sorry for your pain. My thoughts & prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteSharon many Hugs, Love and Prayers coming your way My children keep me going and their families Your new series sounds like such a great book! Sarahbaby601973(at)gmail(dot)com
ReplyDeleteSharon, I am so sorry. I lost my Mom in January 2033. It seems like yesterday. She was my best friend. I thank the Lord everyday for my husband of 36 years. He has become my full time caregiver as I am using a walker/wheelchair to get around. God bless you. Hugs. dpruss@prodigy.net
ReplyDeleteOne blessing everyone takes for granted every single day is good health. One isn’t aware of it in himself until a health problem arises. I know this from personal experience! I live with fibromyalgia. Nerve endings fire painfully and at randomly throughout a body. There’s no predictability. I’m grateful to infinity and beyond when I have a good day with very little pain. I’m so grateful that my Father God looks down on me with love and gave scientists the knowledge to create the med that helps me remain sane, literally, but not pain free. That won’t happen until I trade this body in for my heavenly one🙏❤️🙏
ReplyDeletechar loves mark at g mail dot com
The hardest part of losing my husband when he was 49 was the loss of the things I hoped for in our future! It has been almost 4 years and it has gotten easier.
ReplyDeleteThis is a special and practical post for those of us whose lives are not what we had hoped! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the reminder of all the blessings out there!
ReplyDeleteSending love and hugs. It's not easy to deal with any kind of loss and it takes time to heal - sometimes it's not healed entirely, the wound is always there. I lost my mother when I was a teenager and lost my father five years later (just turning adulthood), and my youngest brother was about four and nine respectively. However, God gave me strength and guidance and I have grown to be quite independently and living a not bad life. Today, I always count my blessings and try to start my day with gratitude. In my opinion, without darkness, the light cannot shine. And I know that God is always there in darkness and in the light.
ReplyDeletecwkuen(at)yahoo(dot)com
Spending time with my family by having a great dinner and then watching some football! tWarner419@aol.com
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. It's hard when our dreams don't turn out like we planned.
ReplyDeleteMy dad has to have major surgery on his heart in two weeks. It's happened suddenly and is really scary, but the problem was discovered before a heart attack happened and he has a great surgeon - I keep trying to remember those positives when facing the thought of such a big operation.
Thank you for sharing from the depths of your pain. I buried my only daughter in 2007. In 2022, my father died suddenly from a 100% preventable condition. There is a lot I don't understand, but I trust in my Creator. Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
ReplyDeleteI can totally understand your thoughts and where you're coming from. My life definitely didn't follow the path I planned and worked for. Sickness, tragedy and abuse changed all of that.
ReplyDeleteIt took a lot of help and ongoing help to learn to appreciate the me that I am now and the blessings that are part of my life.